Today, on my mum’s birthday, I feel something I’ve never truly felt before: peace between us.
For almost my entire life, I believed it was my responsibility to care for others. I thought I was the strong one. The supporter. The one holding everything together. But somewhere along the way, I completely lost connection with myself. I lost my identity while believing I had everything under control, when in reality, I was the one being controlled by everyone else’s needs, emotions and projections.
Today, I honour my mother not only for giving me life, but also for allowing herself to simply be my mother while I finally allow myself to simply be her daughter.
This morning we spoke on the phone for over an hour, and for the first time, I could truly feel freedom between us. I could hear happiness in her voice, but I could also feel my own happiness because something finally shifted inside me.
By no longer carrying her projections, by no longer believing I had to emotionally hold everything together for everyone, we both created space to become ourselves.
And in that space, something beautiful happened.
We both started feeling fulfilled.
Aligned.
Independent.
Whole.
She told me she is finally living exactly the way she wants to live now. And honestly, I feel the same.
What shocked me the most is that the physical pain I carried for years in my left shoulder disappeared. That pain was there because, unconsciously, I was carrying my mother as if she was my responsibility. As if she was the daughter and I was the parent.
Today I finally understand what it truly means to say “no.”
Not from anger.
Not from rejection.
But from love, respect and self-responsibility.
For years I searched outside of myself for healing. Holistic therapies, seminars, books, plant medicine, spiritual teachings. And none of those things are wrong. They all have value.
But the real breakthrough only happens when you become responsible enough to face yourself.
When you stop blaming the external world.
When you stop pointing at your childhood, your trauma, your conditioning or even your ancestral memories as the reason you continue suffering.
At some point, as adults, it becomes our responsibility to reorganise ourselves.
To remove the layers.
To question the illusions.
To break the patterns we unconsciously accumulated over the years.
And when you finally step outside of the emotional chaos and observe your own life from a higher perspective, you begin to realise how much pain we create simply because we do not know how to choose ourselves.
That applies not only to how we treat others, but also to the people we choose to keep around us.
Today my heart feels full of grace, gratitude and honour.
I feel grateful watching both of us learning how to stand firmly in our “no.” Learning how to choose ourselves without fear of abandonment, guilt or loneliness.
Because true love is not control.
True love allows space.
True love allows freedom.
True love allows people to become who they truly are.
And maybe that is why today feels so emotional for me.
I always dreamed of experiencing this feeling with my mother.
To see her turning 62 feeling happier, lighter and more independent than ever before.
And at the same time, for me to finally feel like I can simply exist as a daughter.
No rescuing.
No carrying.
No saving.
Just love.
Today I truly feel we are both exactly where we are meant to be, at the perfect time, living the lives we consciously choose for ourselves.
And for the first time in my life, choosing ourselves no longer feels selfish.
It feels sacred.
Above everyone else, above every fear, above every expectation — we finally chose ourselves and God.
